Some things just don't work out

Almost everything in my life has some sort of foreshadowing. I never see it until later. sometimes I have to be told twice. This is another one of those fine instances.

Paul and I make it to around the 5 month mark. Which is pretty much par for me. I'm not totally sure what happens; although I have an inkling. I think this is the point at which I either decide to go all in or decide to cash out my chips and go home. I think you pretty much know how its going to go at this point in most relationships. However on this particular day I had no clue.

Paul was stressing and I was feeling like there should be something I could "fix". But try as I might he was pretty resistant to any and all of my attempts. I was a fish out of water as they say. Late in the night, desperate to make things "better," I did something pretty uncharacteristic of me. I said the three word phrase.

As soon as I said it I strangely felt much better. For about 10 seconds. Paul did not respond with anything near the response one would hope for. In fact he said it worried him. It would be a long drawn out conversation, lasting well into the morning. He didn't have the time, energy or desire to be serious about any relationship right now. And wouldn't for more than two years. And I couldn't wait around for two years.

There really was nothing I could do or say. Some things just don't work out.