The Lay's potato chip ad theory of my life

I'm sure everyone is familiar with the the ad campaign for Lay's potato chips. Mistakes in my life are also run by these fine folks; bet you can't make just one. Too many years of college level math means I can't just add to my mistakes too. I'll need some fancy superscript thing to raise them to a whole new level of stupidity.

They say hindsight has 20/20 vision? Yeah and I walk around in my day to day life with 20/400 vision. No really. Look at this.

So a major player in this scenario has swallowed a giant emotional bullet and told me how he feels. And I have had the tact and social grace to squash him like a bug. But I'm trying to do the right thing by Paul. He's great and has never flaked out on me. I rationalize that Rick has had his chances (and his screw ups) and it's only "fair."

But I'm still worried about this when I go for my next haircut. And any woman can tell you, the person who cuts your hair has some sort of truth serum in their shampoo. I'm there all of 15 minutes and Kurt is completely caught up on what you know as episodes one and two. And as usual he's deadly accurate with his advice (or so I think).

"Do you really need to decide between these two? I mean Rick is known for disappearing from your life. He's come and gone 5 or 6 times that I know of. Forget about the whole thing. Decide? He's not even going to be able to decide to call you back."

And it sounds logical. I'm wasting all my time "choosing" but I really only have one option. There is only one guy trying to be my "boyfriend" at this point.

And my hair looks fabulous.

Anyone who knows anything about me is now waiting for the other shoe to fall. I own 50 or so pairs (yes Rick- your closet isn't the only one with a secret) so it's dammed near inevitable that the other shoe fall. I got my haircut on a Tuesday. So this shoe falls on Wednesday night. And kicks me in the ass.

The phone rings. And it's the one we've decided won't call back. "Did you decide anything in your thoughts over the last week?" is virtually the first thing he says. So much for cut, color and foil hi-lights. So I try to hedge the question. Which is not at all possible with Rick. He sees through all of my crap. All the time. It's pretty irritating other than he's really surprisingly accurate- kind of like he knows me or something. Pfft.

So back to the fire. "Decide? well....umm...no" "No decision?????" And then in a blathering speed, trying to convey some sense of certainty-Well I didn't really think I had to decide. I mean you usually don't call back. The last time I decided I never heard from you again. I didn't think you'd call.

"Oh." and then a long pause to count to a hundred to keep from reaching through the phone and smacking me. "You didn't think I'd call." Sounds like someone who is calling expecting a yes or no answer- not the deflating- I haven't bother to consider it I just handed him. So I've dug a big hole here. But never fear, I still have that same shovel. And now, with great gusto, am going to dig an even deeper hole for myself over the next hour. Because not deciding about what may be "the one" isn't really a big life changing event. No, let's really insult the poor guy so he never returns your calls again.

So I throw the book at him: you don't call when you say you will, I never know when I'll see you again, you're seeing other people (why do I say other people? it's other women I'm sure) blah, blah, blah. And he listens. "Is that really what you think?" Okay so maybe I'm being a bit harsh here in my sales pitch (to myself) but mostly. "Really? You think I'm inattentive?" Well you never call when you say you will. which is an out and out lie- somewhere Verizon has a record of a $500 phone bill from when we first dated. He likes to talk on his drive home from work. And he knows it- he offered to pay the bill when it came. But by then we had begun our first drift and I would have walked over hot coals before asking him to pay my phone bill. But back to the matter at hand- I'm insulting him.

I throw in more about how I don't think he's serious about this and whatever. Sorry- this part isn't so fresh in my mind. Somehow the mistakes don't focus well in my memory.

We talk for probably an hour and at one point I'm crying, which I don't think he realizes (but when I don't think he realized he always does- so what do I know?) when he realizes that the conversation is beyond my control, he does what I see as a merciful thing. He lets me off the hook. "If you have something good going with Paul I don't want to mess you up. Stay where you're at. I just want you to be happy."

He says that a lot- the whole I just want you to be happy. It's harder for me than most people. He knows that. He has little frame of reference for what my happy looks like. But he has seen it. The craziest thing is that he's the first person I want to call when I'm my unhappiest.